The feeling of failing as a Milso

The feeling of failing as a Milso

Day 114

12 February 2020

Today is the second day of missing work to fix me. 

Do I feel guilty about this. No. 

Should I? No. 

I wasn’t aware that being a Milso would be so difficult physically, mentally and spiritually. 

Alas, I am aware of the symptoms and recognize I am depressed. 

This is extremely unlike me. 

I’m a positive, helpful, motivating and uplifting woman— normally. 

During the last couple of weeks, I have not been. 

I recognize this. 

I have reached out to militaryonesource.com for additional resources. (I would highly recommend this) [1. You will need a DOD login 2. It’s easy to set up your account. — This is for another blog.] 

I realize that my husband is an amazing human. I have never given him enough credit for everything he did while he was home. (I am so sorry) I took him for granted. (I am sorry) my husband is my rock. I have also realized that being a milso is HARD. 

I’ve been a single mother before. With two children and an ex that was a total horses behind. Struggling financially, trying to balance work and life and staying positive. Being a milso is not like this. Period. 

(Rant 1)

Being a milso is NOT:  

• being a single mother/father/caregiver/lover/sigot
• You are married/or in a serious relationship/partnership ect. 

• Your sigot is away sometimes for an extended period of time. 

This does not make you a single parent.

I’m tired of wives/husbands referring to their deployed service member as being an “absent parent”. Seriously— Absent? 

Your sigot is serving our country for your protection, our country's protection and helping your family continue to live in the land of the free. Shut-Up!

For those of you that say you are a single parent when your sigot is deployed is wrong, disrespectful and just plain rude

• You are not “single”.
  
• You are being a parent while the other parent is serving his/her country. 
  

Shut-Up!

• Yes, it sucks, being the head of household— paying the bills, taking little Jimmy here and taking little Jane there, Making all of the meals, all the while stressing, being anxious and waiting for a call or skype. 

• Yes, the deployed member is not at home—for due cause.

Being a milso with a deployed service spouse/ sigot does not justify adultery, “single parent” drama and or whining. So, for the last time SHUT-UP, Suck it up and get the hell over yourself. (End of rant)

Back to my original post— Pre- Rant: I have recognized that I am depressed — I did not realize that my spouse was such a tremendous part and help of everyday life. I have gotten to the point in this phase of deployment where I am completely overwhelmed. 1.I feel as though my achievements are more like downfalls. (This is the depression speaking)2. My self-care has dropped to a nil3. I’m tired. All the time. 4. The only joy I find is the phone call from my husband. 5. My daughter (she’s a wee one) is acting out. 6. My dog (beagle) needs to be trained. 7. I, at times want to throw in the towel. 8. I do not cook meals anymore, I have being going to fast food restaurants. (Totally unlike me) 9.My eating habits suck. 10. My house looks like a tornado came through and everything I had previously organized out of existence has reappeared. 

Recognizing the issues:These are all common depression symptoms. These are all common symptoms of the deployment cycle. 

This too shall pass. 

My current self-care plan (in progress)1. Contact a LCSW2. Visit my PCP.  3. Visit a DoP4. Take time to take care of me. 5. Purge unneeded items that are cluttering my home to add stability and organization to my chaos. 6. Take a relaxing bath7. Change my sheets8. Do laundry 9. Look for a dog trainer10. Let others help me. 
All in all — I am not failing. 

I am just a beautiful mess in progress. 

I must be positive, do great things and care for myself first as I have others to care for. 

Tell me your thoughts.

Any suggestions?

Seabee Wife. 

☮️💟☯️

Acronyms:

Milso: Military Spouse

DOD: Department of Defense

Sigot: Significant Other

LCSW: Licensed Clinical Social Worker aka Counselor

PCP: Primary Care Physician

DoP: Doctor of Psychiatry 

Unamerican

As a wife of a deployed service member, when individuals fail to stand for the National Anthem it makes my blood boil. 

The National Anthem of the United States of America has been our anthem since 1931. 

The flag that is spoken of in the anthem is the flag that was flown over Fort McHenry in Baltimore during the war of 1812 between the United States and the United Kingdom. 

On September 14, 1814– The flag was flown over as the battle had ended. 

“Flag was flown over the fort when 5,000 British soldiers and a fleet of 19 ships attacked Baltimore on September 12, 1814. The bombardment turned to Fort McHenry on the evening of September 13, and continuous shelling occurred for 25 hours under heavy rain. When the British ships were unable to pass the fort and penetrate the harbor, the attack was ended, and on the morning of September 14, when the battered flag still flew above the ramparts, it was clear that Fort McHenry remained in American hands.” -Wikipedia

Where in any of this explanation, history or description does this state anything about inequality, police brutality or the like?

This continued protest is 1. An insult to American’s serving in the Armed forces. 2. Disrespectful to every single service member that fights for these protesters VOLUNTARILY. 

3. UnAmerican-  If you have a problem with the National Anthem feel free to leave America. Nobody is making you stay. 

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,

Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,

What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,

As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,

In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:

'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore

That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,

A home and a country should leave us no more!

Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave

From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:

And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand

Between their loved home and the war's desolation!

Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land

Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Thoughts?