I do not understand.

27 May 2020

Why do people do hardcore drugs?

Heroine

Methamphetamines

Cocaine

Crack 

I really do not understand. 

“To get that high” is one answer I have heard. 

And… 

But why?

Why ruin your total life, your finances, your family and everything in between for “that high”. What is so incredibly terrible in your life that you must succumb to the hard core shit. 

“You just don’t understand”— another thing that has been said to me. 

No, I do not understand. I KNOW I have the propensity to be an ADDICT but I choose not too. 

I have not had a “wonderful” unicorn and glitter life. 

I know what it’s like to be hungry. 

I know what it’s like to be broke. 

I know what it’s like to be without. 

Not once did I turn to drugs. 

Not. ONE. Time. 

So why, do others?

Newsflash: I can’t stand watching people destroy themselves, watching them destroy their family, their being. I hate it.  What can I do?

Nothing. 

I can’t help others that are unwilling to help themselves. I cannot help people that choose the easy path instead of the hard path. 

I will never understand. 

It pisses me off that I will never understand. 

It pisses me off that people do these things. 

It pisses me off to see people like this. 

I will not attempt to understand and I will not accept excuses for the drug addicts. 

You had a choice. 

You could have said “No”

You could have walked away. 

You chose drugs. 

Why?

Mind your own business.

20 May 2020

This week has been crazy. 

Is it a full moon?

Or are people just tired of being nice and releasing any and all anger upon whomever is in the way??

Sheesh. 

As if life is not difficult enough. 

Me = Working from home, Two year old Tasmanian devil, packing, beagle, attempting to fix minor issues to sell house, son graduating in June (fingers crossed it isn’t cancelled), husband still deployed, bamboo invasion, beagle escape, 48 loads of laundry, trying to improve credit, no family support, lack of sleep, self-care declining. = I am ok though. I got this. Everything will be fine. 

Then— This morning happened....

A loud banging on my front door. 

I rushed to the door ...

Two officers with the initials M.A.C. Embossed across  their chests. 

Fanfuckingtabulous. 

M.A.C. = McKamey Animal Center— basically the pound for people not ‘round these parts. 

I answer the door. 

Apparently— Mr. Officer (have not idea what his name was) was informed about my big fierce and ferocious beagle is sporadically “at large”. (Yes, I am aware. She’s a damn beagle. She’s the smartest dumbass I know. 

If I put her in the back yard which is very large— she climbs the fence and escapes. 

If I attach her to the runner in the front yard she finagles her collar and escapes. She has eaten 2 harnesses. The bark collar makes her bark more. ) 

He proceeded to advise me that my animal must be contained at ALL times — no exceptions. 

Ok, dude. Gotcha. 

He issued me a FORMAL Warning. 

Fair enough. — I get it, he’s doing his job.  No worries. 

What pisses me off is the fact that ONE of my neighbors decided to call M.A.C. 

Instead of letting me know, sending me a message, coming over to talk to me about it ..... or whatnot. 

What a bunch of asshats. 

I took it upon myself to post a message on my neighborhood next-door page— To relieve. A tad bit of frustration. 

(What I posted is below) 

Hello- 

I hope everyone is well, free from the coronavirus and enjoying this beautiful weather.

 I am always friendly, I help my fellow neighbors, I stay positive and I enjoy the majority of our neighborhood and the atmosphere encompassed within. Though, there are a few neighbors that apparently do not not agree with me. 

*This is the only time I will post something negative to you all ( you know who you are)*

Generating nonsense and drama is uncalled for, Unwarranted and frankly— extremely rude. 

I am working from home, I have a 2 year old, a beagle, a senior in high school, a husband deployed and everything else in between. 

Just a quick note to the neighbors that have issues with my home, my dog and /or my yard— 

If you have a negative perception, a foul thing to say or a complaint keep it to yourself or address me personally otherwise keep your opinions to yourself.

1. Sophie:  I received a home visit by McKameys today due to my dog that keeps escaping and complaints they have received.I apologize Sophie ( my dog )She is not a violent dog, nor is she unfriendly. It  may be a nuisance to you all when she escapes the fence, the lead or barks at you when you stroll the neighborhood. She is a beagle. That’s what she does.  If you are willing to install a fence for free to help contain my dog that would be fantastic. Otherwise, I am doing the best that I can under the current circumstances in which all of us are enduring. Whoever called McKameys- As a common courtesy it would have been nice if you addressed it with me directly.  

2. Bamboo: I understand that some of my neighbors have complaints regarding the bamboo growing erratically in my yard. I am diligently cutting it, attempting to kill it and dig it up. I did not plant it. I cannot prevent it from growing. Feel free to assist me if you would like, instead of calling the city and posting complaints. 

During times like this — in the world we live — One would think — Kindness would spread like wildfire not negativity, hatred, gossip and ill-spirited folks. 

We are all human — In case you may have forgotten. 

How about spreading positivity, helping your fellow neighbor or being friendly instead.

What are your thoughts? Am I overreacting?

Im not black nor white — I am me

30 June 2015

I'm not black, I'm not white. I am human.

Written January 19, 2015

I am not black. I am not white. 

I am me. 

In lieu of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I have been pondering his infamous speech. 

How would this world be different is he would have survived?

Would we as a nation be friends?

Would we as a nation enjoy helping others?

Would we as a nation live in perfect harmony without racism, discrimination, bullying and hatred?

My simple answer is, No. 

I am not an African American not am I a Mexican American or even an Indian American. 

My ethnicity is considered Caucasian. 

I am considered Caucasian because my skin is lighter than others. 

I have been told being Caucasian reaps many rewards. 

I must have missed that memo. 

I am a "white" middle-aged female. I have been bullied, discriminated against, spat on, turned away and called a plethora of slanderous names such as "trailer trash", "slut", "dumbass", "loser" and "gold digger". 

Were these statements true?

Of course not. 

But the mind is a powerful thing, when a person is repeatedly called such obscene things, they will believe it. 

I was once told, "you hang with dogs, you will get fleas". This statement was a metaphor spoken to me by my mother about childhood friends. 

As I have grown older, I have realized, that not only do we, as citizens of the great United States of America thrive on negativity, hatred and chaos we surround ourselves with it on a daily basis by choice. 

Not one person was born with a hateful persona, not one person was born racist, not one person was born being judgmental. 

All of these behaviors are learned by our surroundings. 

"Can't we all just get along", is a famous quote spoken by Rodney King after a severe beating he received by police officers that are supposed to serve and protect our great nation. 

Can we all just get along? 

The simple answer yet again is, No. 

We, as citizens legal or not of the United States of America cannot get along. 

This has been beaten (so to speak) into our heads from the dawning of our forefathers. 

We have been taught to judge, speak negatively, discriminate and slander those that anger us. 

Why?

Without chaos, there would be euphoria. With euphoria, people would be serene. Serenity would put those that provide protection, freedom and equality out of the job that they currently possess. 

The world thrives on chaos, watch the news for one hour. Then write down all positive things that were observed. 

This great nation of ours saddens me. My children, grandchildren and future generations have hard work ahead of them. 

America is considered "land of the free, home of the brave"

Let's examine this statement. 

Land of the free: 

What in America is free? Education, religious preference, wearing clothing of choice, committing adultery, air, water....

Education is clearly at the top of my list for discussing freedom. 

Yes, we have the right to attend a public school. 

The downside is school uniforms, supplies, lunches, and fees are not free. 

Any child in America can attend a public school as long as the items mentioned above are taken care of. 

 If a child does not have the name brand uniform, school supplies and enough money to eat they will be bullied, called names and frowned upon. God forbid if they have parents that are gay, the child is over weight, under weight, they live in a trailer or buy their clothing from a thrift store. 

Freedom for education is free, but comes with severe consequences to our youth that will be bottled up and released during adulthood or puberty. 

We read and hear of school shootings, suicides of young children due to being bullied and abused children by teachers. 

This amuses our society, we blame the kids, the parents, the school, the administrators ect. This helps us bottle our anger, discrimination and racism until it involves a certain ethnicity, white, black, purple or yellow. It doesn't matter. 

We were taught at a young age to be rebellious, hate those that shun you, defend yourself even if it means punching someone in the face. 

So, no education is not free. 

The choosing of our religion or place of worship should be a place of refuge. But yet again, it is not. 

Yes, we are free to choose a place to worship. As other countries are not as fortunate. 

Yet we are not free to worship aloud or in public places as we may offend others with our beliefs. 

Wasn't this great nation built on God. "In God we trust" is scripted onto what we hold dear to our hearts, our money. 

Imagine entering a church and being looked down upon because you are homeless and the only clothing you have is ratty jeans and a T-shirt smelling of cigarette smoke and day old liquor. 

"Those without sin, cast the first stone". 

Yet, it's a common practice to be judged and looked down upon in church if you look like a bum, say a curse word or refuse to tithe. 

Religion is not free. 

Let's examine the second half of our nations motto: "Home of the brave."

Do I consider us as Americans in the general population to be brave?

My simple answer is, no. 

I'm not speaking of military, police officers or firemen. I am speaking of the general population of America. The "whites", "blacks" "Hispanics" and so on. 

Are we brave?

Think about this statement for a moment. 

Are you being brave by waking up in the morning? Are you brave when you go to work? Are you brave when you go shopping?

No. 

The home of the brave should be categorized to brave individuals such as the white woman teaching English as a second language in "the hood" of A busy metropolis. 

Brave is a person that helps others without any doubt. Paying forward a previous gift given by an unknown person. Braveness is helping a person out of a fire engulfed dwelling or saving a child from drowning by putting yourself in harms way. 

Are we busy Americans as a general population, brave?

No, we are selfish, ego-filled, slanderous, self-righteous hypocrites that want, want, want never taking the time to help others, say thank you or perform any chivalrous action. 

We, as Americans should not be as we have learned to be. 

We do not need to be filled with such anger, greed and selfishness. 

We need to stop stereo-typing what we have been taught as wrong and ask ourselves, why?

I know what it's like to be hungry, broke and helpless. 

I know what it's like to feel as though the end is near. 

I have been stereo-typed, frowned upon and betrayed. 

But, I choose to overcome all stereo types. I will achieve great things without the negativity. I will teach my children to be fishers of men not because I was taught this but because it is right. I will be friends with "the gays", "trailer trash", "whores" and "blacks". 

I will not judge them because I do not know them. I have not walked in their shoes. 

I will help others without expecting something in return. 

I will give to those that need help. 

I will celebrate the life I was given and be proud to be me. 

I am not perfect but it only takes one person to make a difference, it only takes one thought to change the world. 

Blessed be the homeless, blessed be the blacks, blessed be the whites, blessed be the gays, blessed be everyone as we were all someone's baby. 

Those without sin, cast the first stone. 

One day, Martin Luther King, Jr's. Dream will come true and we all shall live in harmony. 

I hope I am alive to see it. 

I will continue to be me. 

What will you do?

Media equals Chaos

Media equals chaos= Tired of media racism, gender inequalities and same sex debacles. 

Why, must this great nation of ours continually fuel the fires of hate, diversity, social/economic status, racism, sexual orientation and burning bridges that have been rebuilt. 

I, being an American citizen, born and raised in The United States of America, have had many opportunities to complain about the weather, the president, bullying, gender inequality, global warming and the constant media hype of "Blacks vs. Whites", natural born citizens vs. immigrants, "the gays" vs. the straights. 

But I choose not too.

I choose peace.

I choose to keep an open-mind and a closed mouth about subjects that I know not of, I cannot make a judgement on someone without walking in their shoes, hearing their story and casting a stone. 

I choose to accept the ever evolving American choices and step above the hatred, self-righteous hypocrites that surround me and others on a daily basis. 

Why? Because, I want my children, future grand-children and beyond to know peace, love, acceptance and learn to enjoy what they have, earn what they want, accept others for their differences and speak up for those that do not have a voice. 

The constant hatred towards the aforementioned stereotypes are in abundance in our daily lives via radio, television, social media, life learned habits and history. 

Why must we as a society constantly take the bait?

Are we that close-minded?

Have we not overcome all of the obstacles over the years such as slavery, woman's rights, diversity, immigration and no-child left behind?

Must we always take two steps forward and three steps back?

Are we as a nation really trying to annihilate what freedom we have left to fight and argue over petty negativity fueled by various closed-minded outlets such as CNN, Fox News, City newspapers and National News?

You all do realize it is 2015, right?

As we continue to feed into the constant naysayers and negative commentaries we are failing as Americans. 

We, as a nation have overcome so many obstacles, to now be set back by the ever so mentioned, "race card", "gay marriage" and illegal immigration. 

Why? 

What are we getting out of this?

Nothing.

We are all human. 

We all bleed red. 

We all have brains for thinking, mouths for speaking, and insight whether educationally learnt or achieved by living on the streets. 

Why believe the hatred towards all?

Why hate one another for whatever flaw "you" think "they" may have. 

No one is perfect. 

Everyone has flaws. 

Take a look outside, do you see our streets being roamed by AK47 armed guards? 

No. 

Because we live in a free nation. 

Do you see divided bath rooms for "color" and "white"?

No. 

Because the "race card" has already been played, the cards were dealt and we are all free as Americans. 

Do you have food in your refrigerator?

Yes. 

The United States of America ranks #1 in obesity. 

Do you spend money on stuff that isn't a need but a want?

Yes. 

Are you reading this on a fancy iPhone or using your portable laptop or iPad? Do you own a television? Do you own more than one? Do you own a car? How about two?

Here in this day and age, with everything we have built up, sacrificed and overcome why must we still hate each other and try to tear the bonds we have created within our nation and tear them down?

So, that "gay" guy talks like a girl, and? Is it hurting you? Maybe he/she is too scared to come out and because YOU choose to discriminate, he/she commits suicide. How do you feel now?

So, that little girl at the age of 15, dresses like a prostitute. Is she hurting you? Maybe, she is reaching out for attention, maybe she is abused at home and runs into the arms of older boys to obtain the love she has never had. What do you do? Call her a "whore", "slut" and "skank" because she doesn't fit into your perfect model of what a 15 year old should be like, act like and do?

How about Harriet Tubman in 2015: would she have been thrown in jail and beaten by police officers or shot by "accident". Turning others of "color" to riot, because she was black and she decided to do something for others and assist in freeing slaves. Would you picket the whites and police for racism and start riots amongst your own to prove nothing?

What about the Hispanic family at the grocery store with 5 kids, Using food stamps and wic to feed their family. They both have jobs but it's not enough, so they must have assistance or they would lose their children for malnutrition or neglect. Is that fair to judge them?

How about the white mother of two, working two jobs, going to school full-time that cannot get public assistance because she makes $3 more than the poverty level set by the government. Is it fair to set limits when clearly she is trying to do what's best for her family yet you report her to child protective services because she isn't there for them all-day, she doesn't fix every meal for them and relies on a babysitter to help? 

Open your eyes people, there are so many things wrong in the world. 

We, as a nation can help. 

We can decide against negativity and help others. 

Just because one person does bad things or says bad things does not make it right. 

Open your eyes and realize, not one person in The United States is perfect. Not one. 

Open your eyes and realize that hatred and chaos fuels our great nation and it has to stop. 

We are damning ourselves, poisoning the minds of our children and increasing the chance for a repeated history filled with negativity and hate for future generations. 

Life is a present not a time bomb. 

We need to listen to the wise words of our forefathers:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

In the words of Thomas Payne: "I believe in the equality of humanity and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy and endeavoring to make our fellow creatures happy."